That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
