I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
