We won't sleep together?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize