Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
