I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
