Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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