HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
