Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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