I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
