I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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