Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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