I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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