So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
