I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
