I'm drive I can fine osifer
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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