How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
