what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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