I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
