he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
