Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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