I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize