Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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