She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
