I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
