i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
