Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
