She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
