Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
