I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
