It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
