I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
