I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
