i just had sex bonerless
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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