A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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