I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
