hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
