As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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