Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
