why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
