First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize