My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
