It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
