I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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