I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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