Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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