His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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