escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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