i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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