you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
