By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's like iHOP with fire
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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