Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
