Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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