so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
