hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
