we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize