I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize