apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
