remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
