I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
