The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
