3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
