the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
