Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
