Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
