i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
