1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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