Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I know her cup size but not her name....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
