i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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