You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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