Your face is a jimmy john
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
