Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
