Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
