He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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