I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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