I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
