I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize