Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
