It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yo dont text me then not text me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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