Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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