I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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