5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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