apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
