i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its not stalking. its research.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
