you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
