We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so let's talk penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
