I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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